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     Just tonight, I finished scanning the old photographs from way back when.  I brought with me from the Philippines the albums of my daughters when they were little, all cute little pictures of them before I left and my vacations in between.  They were pictures full of innocence and fun…so much joy…and yet, so many things have changed…..

     I could say I missed out on a lot of things while they were growing up…but then again, I could also say that I have experienced such great joy in having them in my life and taking care of them when they were little.  They constantly gave me that feeling of being whole even when there was a hollow in my heart back then.  When people have kids who depend on them, they grow stronger.  I didn’t take time to back down and lick my wounds because all I needed was a look at my little girls and they gave me that much-needed strength to go on.  I didn’t focus on what could have been but instead concentrated on what could happen if I didn’t move on.

     I was so lucky to have two bundles of joy who are so sweet, whose smiles were enough to take away all the pain.  Who had time to dwell in misery when I had my hands full of innocent laughters?….those cute tricks and pranks never failed to make me smile…those hugs and warm kisses brightened up my day when I was so tired coming home from work, such love in saying, "I love you, Mommy" was more than enough to fill in the gaps.

Each time I looked at their sweet faces and listened to their shrieks and giggles, I felt alive….they were constant reminders that there was so much more to live for..so much more to hope for.  Yes, life back then was especially hard seeing them grow without their father…and eventually explain that we didn’t need him in our lives.  Yet, they are happy kids….my parents’ presence and support, not to mention, their honest love for the girls are more than enough to fill any void that could have been there….

     In going through our lives, we get to meet series of failures, loss, disappointments, pains, sorrows, grief, anger, sadness…where do we go from there?…what do we do?…who to run to?…or where?…In my own experience, perhaps because my personality dictates so, I ran to no one but myself…sorted things on my own and believed that I could get out of whatever mess I got myself into…and luckily, I always did.  Perhaps because I see life as an endless opportunity..to right what was wrong, to find happiness after each pain, to heal after a grief, to stand up after you fall, to calm down after the storm, to knock on doors when one just closed, to start a new chapter when one just ended..or even to chase that elusive dream.  For as long as we live, we are always given that opportunity and it is only up to us whether or not to grab each chance that comes our way.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 5:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.